Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Regret and Cigarettes

I'm worried about my legacy. What will i leave behind? This thought nags at me until I cant stand it. I only hope I have enough life left to undo my wrongs.

Every night I lay down, I hate myself for where I am at in life. One day Ill be the person I want to be, but that is not today. Part of me wants out of all this. But there are still too many lovers I have yet to love, and fuckers I have yet to fuck. I'm not sure I can ever be content, maybe its because I let others expectations weigh me down. If I ever dropped my veil of wit and charm, my world would crumble.

In the future I want to be successful, I guess everyone does though. I want to be known, I want money, I want to be powerful, but more than anything I want to be happy. I hate myself today, more so than usual. I keep striving to harden myself, to ensure I am never powerless, but I am stuck in a perpetual downward spiral. I am torn between the person I am, and the person I want to be.

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