Today I think about all the paths that have been laid out in front of me. I consider every road I watched as I flew through the sky on my wings of wax. I think of you and I cry. This is an odd sensation not because I am fixated on you, that is normal for me, but because I don't want to want you. Maybe I can't control my mind as well as I think I can. Maybe I am not the paragon of self control that I would like myself to be. Or maybe, just maybe, I am lonely.
I try to fill the hole in my mind with anything but thoughts of you. I try to envision my future. I try to move on. But the one common factor is you are always there.
In the future in my mind (also known as the future that can never be) we are happy. In this future I am enough for you. In this future I am capable of making you laugh, making you cry, and making you cum.
The thing that upsets me most is I know that admitting all this is probably only pushing you away further. We will never have a happy ending. We will never ride off into the sunset. We will never lay outside and just hold hands while the sun radiates heat that still pales in comparison to our love.
You are, and will remain my muse, maybe forever.
I hope more than anything that right now you are thinking of me. Maybe you have considered things I have thought about. Maybe you see the same potential. Or maybe, just maybe, you see more. The saddest thing is that we can't express those things together.
The quote "It is better to have loved and lost than never to have lost at all." while apt, is also painful to consider. I can't imagine my life now without your affection but I fear that it may be indeed lost.